Making The Right Choices
This is an unusual way of telling the story, but I am going to fly by the seat of my pants by just jumping in without a structure or an outline and just go with the flow for a start anyway.
When I was young, I witnessed some extremely traumatic things which I can’t share here because, if I shared them, they would put some people in a bad light and certain things are best kept unsaid. Thankfully, I am still able to do that! Many people blame their past or upbringing or circumstances or parents for the way they turned out. They are just good at excuses. When things happen to us, we still have the power to respond in the way that we choose instead of reacting negatively.
As I said, what happened was traumatic. I thought that my father loved my brother more than me because he was very clever, and he was the first-born son. When I did something wrong, I was sometimes about to be exterminated (or so I thought because of the reaction I got), so I learned to avoid those kinds of occurrences by being more thoughtful in my choices.
For some reason I still developed a good habit of sitting at the foot end of my parents’ bed when my dad relaxed after a day’s hard work and listened to him talk about when he was a young man. At those times he was calm and had a different personality that did not threaten to eliminate me for bad behaviour. So, I valued him as a good father for those times that I hung on every word that he spoke. He was my hero. He was a highly intelligent man who had a rough life growing up and providing for his parents and siblings – a very hard worker. If he looked down from where he is today, he would have good reason to feel proud because I am the same and his grandchildren are too (from my side).
So, I chose to love my dad with all my heart and looked up to him as a great example (and my hero) instead of focusing on the few shortcomings that he had. I must have done that because I built his very DNA into my being – the good part of him anyway. Because of that, I unfortunately still have some of the negative parts that I don’t feed. I keep them one side isolated in a cage so that they don’t have dominion over my thoughts and actions. Sometimes, they rattle the cage a bit and want to be freed. Hey, there is a human side to me, but I most often than not make better choices than to let them out.
If I could have my dad back from the grave now and I had the power to decide to spend time with him and learn more from him and listen to more of his stories about how he grew up and had a very adventurous life, I would choose that. Yes, I definitely would choose that. He is me and I am him – without that temper (although I sometimes fail to tame that beast which is mostly under control but sometimes wants to raise its head, but I manage to smack him down 99% of the time).
Come to think of it, my children, who are adults now, can actually see their grandfather just by looking at me and they don’t even know it. Yes, I can honour my dad just by living and breathing and being alive and displaying all the good qualities that he had to them and to the world. I know where my roots lie and where I come from and whom to thank for giving me the best qualities that he had in him.
Why do I carry on about him so much? It is because when I stop and think about it, I know that it has to be true. I am not smarter or brighter than he was just because I managed to gain more knowledge and information or experience than he had. At the very basic level of my existence I know that who I am is thanks to who he was and now continues in me. All I have learned to do was to exercise more control over negative thought patterns and behaviour which I think is a good thing. And I can see that it is very important to make the right choices in life.
How do I know those choices were the right ones? Well, there is a thing called hindsight. I can see that where I had made good choices instead of going the wrong way, things turned out for the better. I learned to think before I acted. That is not so easy because I also get tempted to do the easy thing. I also fail sometimes and feel disappointed, but I mostly do what I can to avoid making those mistakes.
It is sometimes difficult dealing with other people and responding instead of reacting to them. I face those challenges every day and I have to decide to make the right choices. I find the older I get the more people challenge me because they often act as if an older person is over the hill and knows nothing or can do nothing significant. The challenge is to not react but to respond. To not become insulted by their actions or words but to show them as best I can that they are on the wrong track.
When you get the same sort of behaviour repeatedly it can become a bit tiring. They seem to think they know better and want to tell you what you should do as if you have not been around long enough to learn those things for yourself nor have learned for yourself how to even think and decide for yourself what to do.
We are gifted with the ability to make choices and to decide how to act and what to do before we make mistakes or just go with the flow and face having made wrong decisions and suffering the consequences in the end. Yes, it is a gift to be able to decide before acting.
What are some of the good choices in life? To learn to always be teachable. To learn to act in love. To learn to forgive. To be patient and also show mercy even when you are tempted not to. To try and imagine what it is like to be in the other person’s shoes when their actions are hurtful. To decide to do the hard thing now and not see the benefits or results for years or even never in your own lifetime. To learn to be kind to others when it hurts so bad that you want to scream. To do something for others without seeing or expecting a thank you.
Lastly, I need to add this important decision to my list. Something that I have seen that can destroy relationships instead of allowing people to work things out. That is never ever listen to gossip or allow negative talk or even lies to change the way you think about other people. Quite often people are malicious and spiteful and say things and even lie about what people said or twisted something that they didn’t even say and fabricated a lie just to make themselves look good and bring the other person down. Unfortunately, sometimes we lend our ears out to that kind of trash that is said about people behind their backs. We should rather put those people in their places and tell them it’s not right to gossip and say bad things behind peoples’ backs.
There are many more choices like the ones just mentioned. But when we choose to embrace qualities like those, our lives become richer, and we feel good having acted the right way. Be a good or better example to negative people. In my opinion, a good person is a contributor instead of a taker who gives nothing in return. I hope this article contributes to enriching your life with good decisions and right choices. It is your gift to be able to decide about the choices you make.
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