50th Anniversary

 

There comes a time in one’s life that you reach a milestone. When that happens you can stop and look back at what you have managed to do.

Exactly fifty years ago I made a promise in the form of a wedding vow that I would love my bride until death do us part. We have both been through troubled waters that have tried to shipwreck our boat many times and have managed to weather all sorts of adversities. People wish us well with kind words and say, “Well done, congratulations.” It’s nice to hear those words because it makes one feel good. If they only knew of all the times, we had to bite the bullet, knuckle down and keep going.

I remember the very first time I had to resign from work in Cape Town and move back to Johannesburg without having a new job and a wife and two kids to support because my salary couldn’t go far enough every month. Then, I got a fantastic job and managed to buy a car because I got a salary raise and back pay plus a Christmas bonus for excellent work. Imagine how happy we were.

Then, in January a month later I got told I was being retrenched. I didn’t know about things like that. It was a huge shock. Long story short, I managed to get employment in another country – Namibia. That just pumped up my earnings and set me up for the next job that I got two years later in Johannesburg. Was it easy all that moving around and trying to acclimatise in a strange country with German speaking people and a bush war going on not far from where we lived? Oh! By the way, when we were driving to Tsumeb we went through a region where we were warned not to travel at night because of terrorist activity. We had no option but did it anyway.

Back in Johannesburg, we also had our challenges which I don’t want to go into here because they are personal. Eventually, I was retrenched from that company too because it got sold. I believed that I would not get employment similar to what I enjoyed at my company and decided the only option was to become self-employed. It took me a long time to sort that situation out because it was a whole new ball game from what I was used to. The self-discipline needed to succeed is massive and you have to make decisions all the time and adapt until you hit a sweet spot where you start succeeding.

Then, you make a wrong decision and all you worked for gets lost. Through all these ups and downs my wife, Maggie, has been by my side and has endured whatever happened with me. My children too. When times were really tough and we needed help, we would pray together and ask God for help. The fact that we are still here is testimony to the answers to our prayers.

Sometimes, the adversity came from people and sometimes they came from even closer, but we just kept on going no matter what the obstacles were. For instance, before we even got married, I got fed up with her mother and decided to leave because of unfair words. Maggie decided she wasn’t letting me go so she accompanied me. Her mother didn’t like that and refused to allow me to marry her daughter. So, she returned home, and a pastor managed to help settle things.

There were so many instances that would actually fill a novel. I think the more you try and drive people apart the more you actually knit them together.

We have wonderful children and grandchildren – they actually appreciate us. Today we will be celebrating with some of them, and it will be a real treat. We actually wanted all of us to be together, but some are a bit far away and have to work. From this wedding 50 years ago, we have an awesome bunch of children and grandchildren and are happy with things. Whatever has happened to us recently regarding the bad economy and reduced income hasn’t managed to diminish our love and commitment to each other.

We thank God and our children for their support. My eldest son has been a pillar of support, and we thank him for being a blessing. He even took us along on a long trip to the Western Province and a lot of very interesting places along the way. I will be sharing about that in the future. It is amazing how much God cares for us each and every day. It’s almost as if he is living with us in our home and lives and wherever we go. Miracle after miracle keeps happening and I cry just thinking about it.

It’s not as if we deserve it or are anybody special or are so good as to deserve it. He is just the best all the time. When it looks like there is a huge obstacle in our way, He is there to show us how much He cares. Well, after blowing my nose and drying my tears I am typing along again. I am sure there are many people all over the world also facing challenges like we do. Life isn’t easy a lot of the time, so we have resorted to trusting God all the way. No better decision can be made than that.

When I face difficulties and don’t know what to do, I listen to my heart and sometimes Maggie doesn’t understand why I am leading the way I am. Just after that it becomes clear that I was being led by God’s Holy Spirit to do or act in a certain way. Sometimes it happens that I follow what she is doing and then God is also there leading us through her. Maybe that’s what makes our relationship so special. Do we have differences? You bet. But we carry on and in the end it works. Sometimes we manage to tramp on each other’s toes or feelings, but forgiveness and love is the answer to help out.

What can we say to other couples who want to give up? Through prayer, commitment, and forgiveness better relationships are built when we include a loving God in the relationship. If you read this blog and need courage to tackle your difficulties or obstacles in your life, then maybe you can try doing things our way and be overcomers and enjoy better outcomes. I have only scratched the surface briefly here of all that has happened.

The scars that life manages to inflict on us as we travel through this world are medals in our minds that we proudly wear on our bodies and in our thoughts. Wow! Did I just come up with that one? Anyway, God bless you for visiting and reading my blog.

Question. Is marriage a good thing when many, many people can’t manage to honour their wedding vows? I say yes to that. Are Maggie and I special? No. Love can work if we become less selfish. If you marry a woman and realize that she isn’t your property. She has aspirations and things she likes that are often different from you. Give her enough space to be her own person and let her love you freely out of her own free will. That is more precious than demanding anything from her. Ultimately, we are often wrong when we think we are right. That’s when we need to be humble, and forgiveness is the best way forward. And we need to stop making the same mistakes all the time.